Learn to laugh, it will extend your life and make the lives of those around you more enjoyable

On Friday, my dad had come by a couple of tickets to the Boise State football game. It was cold, and the Broncs just weren't performing like we expect them to, but we had a grand ol' time anyway! I love being with my dad because he almost always can find the humor or fun in situations. In fact, I love the example that both my parents have set for me in laughing through life's difficulties or while working together.

Former apostle, Joseph B. Wirthlin once counseled us to learn to laugh. Following is an excerpt from this talk:

If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness. 

Over the years I have learned a few things that have helped me through times of testing and trial. I would like to share them with you. 

The first thing we can do is learn to laugh. Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam? Or have you had an encounter with an overhanging cupboard door left open at the wrong place and the wrong time which has been cursed, condemned, and avenged by a sore-headed victim?
There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to laugh. 

I remember when one of our daughters went on a blind date. She was all dressed up and waiting for her date to arrive when the doorbell rang. In walked a man who seemed a little old, but she tried to be polite. She introduced him to me and my wife and the other children; then she put on her coat and went out the door. We watched as she got into the car, but the car didn’t move. Eventually our daughter got out of the car and, red faced, ran back into the house. The man that she thought was her blind date had actually come to pick up another of our daughters who had agreed to be a babysitter for him and his wife. 

We all had a good laugh over that. In fact, we couldn’t stop laughing. Later, when our daughter’s real blind date showed up, I couldn’t come out to meet him because I was still in the kitchen laughing. Now, I realize that our daughter could have felt humiliated and embarrassed. But she laughed with us, and as a result, we still laugh about it today.
The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable.

I love having my family with whom I can laugh even when It's cold and the broncs are playing terribly. Anytime with my family is a good time. I am so grateful to know that I can be with them forever. 

Cry unto Him over the flocks of your fields

Last week I ponderized (a combination of memorize and ponder) a passage of scripture from the Book of Mormon in Alma verses 17-27 that instructs all to continually pray. And in continuous prayer, we all should pray over our households and over the crops and flocks of your fields, among other things. I don't have any literal crops or flocks, but I am a new therapist working with a variety of clients who depend on me to help them improve their communication abilities.

Well, it just so happens that I had a child on my caseload who seemed to be at a language level that was appropriate for his age, so naturally, I should discharge him. I don't know why, but I was really stressed about it. The thought came to my mind, "he is part of your flock--pray about it." So I did. What a profound thought (at least to me)! To take tough decisions about my caseload to the Lord in prayer. I did just that, and well, I felt a confidence that I was doing the right thing and with that confidence, I went forward with my decision. During the meeting his mother told me that just that morning this sweet first grader had said, "Mom, I don't think I need to go to speech anymore." And he was right :). What a comfort to know that I have God as my personal work assistant when I really need Him. He cares about the details of our lives.

Mourn With Those Who Mourn

Yesterday was a normal day for me, I woke up, got the kids breakfast, we did our school lessons, piano practice, I even got some cleaning done.  I was busy with the day to day of my life.  That same evening I was participating in a community music event as part of a community choir, the point was to give thanks to God and to collect food for different community outreach programs.  I had no idea what was going on in Paris.

I picked up a couple friends and one asked if we had heard what happened in Paris.  Nope!  I hadn't a clue.  She went on to tell me about the terrorist attacks.  My stomach dropped.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing, didn't want to believe what I was hearing.  Once we got to the church, where we were performing, I looked it up on my phone.  I read the headlines in shock.  Ugh!  Why is this happening again?

As I sang and listened to songs of thanksgiving, tears filled my eyes thinking of those in Paris.  And I write this as much for me as for anyone else who might read it.

I mourn for those who were taken in such a brutal way.  I mourn for those who lost loved ones.  I mourn for those who had to witness these horrors.  I wish we could make sense of it, but we just never will.  It will never make sense for people to treat other people inhumanely.

Every time a tragedy, such as this, happens I am reminded of an experience I had on my mission while serving an 18 month mission for my church.  This experience is one I hold close to my heart, and is one I think of often, because of the peace that I felt.  And is an experience that I hope may help someone else who may be struggling with recent events.

I served my mission in the Washington D.C. South mission, which took in most of Northern Virginia. I met people from all around the world--I kept track, and I met, taught, and served people from 87 different countries.  I really loved the people I met and loved listening to their stories and learning all about their culture.  I loved trying their food and learning how to say hello (which I rarely ever said correctly, but they were patient with me).  I truly loved being with all the different people I met, from all walks of life. It has continued to enrich my life today.

I had only been a missionary for a handful of months when my companion and I were knocking on doors to try to meet new people.  No one was home.  We kept knocking.  Still no one was home, still we kept knocking.  Finally a door opened.  It was a man, who was probably in his 40s.  He had recently immigrated to the U.S. as a refugee.  His home country was at war and he had lost family members in the fight.  He seemed broken down and weary.  We talked to him about why we were there, which was to teach people about Jesus Christ.  He stopped us and posed us this question, "Why?"

"Why, what,?" was my super elegant response.  He continued, "why do people keep hurting each other, why is there so much war, why do we keep losing are loved ones in these wars that don't solve anything."  He continued like this for a bit.  I didn't know what to say.  My companion and I stumbled around for words that might bring some comfort.  Then I decided to look for the words from God.

I turned to the scriptures.  In the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ, there is a book called Alma.  Throughout the book there are a lot of wars and contentions.  That is where I started to look, nothing was working, anything we said or shared was not soothing his soul, until I flipped to the end.

I will give you some background as to what is going on here, to help with the context.  There had been a war that been raging for many years.  The leader of the army on the good side (Nephites) was writing a letter to the Chief Judge because the army had not been receiving the support it needed to sustain the troops.  The soldiers were tired and worn down, and the army leader was not happy with their circumstances.  The army leader sends a scathing letter to the Chief Judge.  In this letter there is a verse of scripture that reads:
"For the Lord suffereth the righteous to be slain that his justice and judgment may come upon the wicked; therefore ye need not suppose that the righteous are lost because they are slain; but behold, they do enter into the rest of the Lord their God."  Alma 60:13      

After probably 15-20 minutes of trying to comfort this man, this was the verse of scripture that calmed his troubled heart.  After I read this to him, he stopped and looked at us and said "okay."  I know I was led to this scripture by the Holy Ghost.  And since this experience I have often thought back on this particular scripture.  I have it marked in my scriptures and I often turn to it when I need understanding in tragedy.  I read it when I heard about Columbine, again on 9/11, and many other times.  It brings me comfort too.  Because there is no understanding this kind of brutality, but understanding that God has a plan, and that ultimately he is the judge does give me a sense of peace. Not that it takes away my sorrow or heartache.  I still mourn the loss of these people.  I still find it a tragedy, but it helps me remember God's plan and that this life is not the end.  

I know that God lives, that He loves us, and He is welcoming those lost in this tragedy into His arms. May we all feel God's love at this time and let us use this tragedy to help spread love, peace, and the gospel of Jesus Christ throughout the world.  May we all remember to do as He taught and love one another.    

When you struggle where do you turn?

Sometimes you feel an urge.  A desire to share your voice with the world.  You know that it could come at a cost, but the urge comes from within and you must follow it, or suffer the unending inner nagging, as you hold silently to the things you hold sacred and dear, personal and sometimes embarrassing.  But finally, you succumb to that urge and here you are.  Starting a blog, wondering who, if anyone, will read it.

This blog is titled after a scripture that asks us to consider the blessed and happy state of those who keep God's commandments, in contrast with the state of the wicked.  However there are times in life, when the path of righteousness doesn't always insure happiness, at least the way that we think it happiness should be manifested.  This has occupied my thoughts for the last couple days and so here I am.

Recently my family has been struggling financially.  Right before the birth of our son, I quit working. I haven't picked it up again, since, along with 4 small children, we were led by God down the path of homeschooling.  It all became too much.  Getting up early, dealing with the kids, housekeeping, school, music practice and lessons, and other extracurricular activities then work.  Maybe I'm weak, but it became so exhausting to keep my regular work schedule (8pm - 12am) then start at 7:30 or so every morning, and go nonstop with no real down time.  So after talking it over with my husband it was decided that I would take a "temporary" hiatus from work.  Oh and did I mention our 8 acres!! All levels of crazy around here!! 

My sister and I had planned to jointly take our families to So. California for a trip this fall.  We started saving over a year ago, but it was cancelled due to a broken irrigation pump on our side, and a blown transmission on hers (to say the least...things kept happening that we finally decided the fates were against it!)  So I keep thinking "hold on, then things will sort themselves out."  Then today, I get woken up to "Honey can you go pull the dishwasher out and dry underneath it?  There was water all over the floor so it's leaking from somewhere."  Now our hardwood floors we recently refinished are warped and cracking and we may have to replace our dishwasher.  (maybe this one!  ok probably not, but it washes your dishes in about a minute! who wouldn't want that right?)

So the point?  We sometimes wonder, why?  When I am trying to live God's laws to the best of my ability, and he promises that we will prosper if we keep those commandments, why am I left to years of wondering how we are going to make ends meet?   Why does my life feel like it's falling apart? You try to have faith and it seems there is no end in sight.  That everyone else seems to be succeeding and progressing, and you're failing and digressing.  Would it all be easier if I just went back to work?  yes and no.  Is that the answer? I don't know.  Why, when I'm trying my best to be faithful, stress seems to overcome my happiness.  It starts ruling my life and affecting every piece of my life.

So what do we do?  How can we keep a strong perspective of our purpose in life when everything around us seems to be shattering in slow motion?

Faith obviously has a big part to play.  I feel that my mission in life is directly related to my faith. When I can focus on Christ and I can serve others my life becomes easier.  All those things that seem too difficult, or overwhelming, or bog me down with stress, etc.,  I can accomplish, overcome, and succeed.

Today at church a friend shared a scripture:

I think that about says it all.  With Christ all things are possible.  With Christ we can overcome.  With Christ we can become all that eternity has to offer us.  With Christ I am infinitely more then I ever could be alone.  When I allow him to take my yoke, to walk with me, to help me, my burdens do become lighter.  My trials a little easier, my life more peaceful, and my spirit stronger.  I love my Savior.  I love that He gave so much for me personally, just as with everyone individually, so that I wouldn't have to carry all those overwhelming feelings and struggles alone.  He walks with me.

Healing Power of Gratitude

"If you must look back, do so forgivingly.

If you must look forward, do so prayfully.

However, the wisest thing you can do

is be present in the present...Gratefully."

Maya Angelou

Several years ago I was in a personal funk.  I was unhappy, grouchy, and dissatisfied with my life.  I felt everyone had it better than I did, and felt that life was generally unfair.  What I didn't see was that I was becoming increasingly ungrateful.  At the perfect time I came across an article in a church magazine called "The Value of Experiencing and Expressing Gratitude."  I read this article and realized what was wrong with my heart...I was being very ungrateful.  In fact, I had zero gratitude.  My prayers had become more of a begging session for what I wanted, and very little thanks.  I could not see the blessings in my life because I was constantly looking at everything I wanted and everything I didn't have.  This attitude was poisoning my soul.

The article stated, "Gratitude is a positive experience that comes from recognizing gifts or blessings and feeling thankful. It is also an attitude, a way of perceiving life, in which individuals are willing to receive and acknowledge the beneficial actions of others on their behalf. Those who consistently display such an attitude are said to have a grateful disposition. Gratitude is also a habit that can be cultivated, causing one to focus on the blessings of life. Finally, gratitude can be defined as a coping response to challenging or difficult circumstances."  This is the part that grabbed my attention and kept me reading.

This next part is what changed my perspective, "Current case studies and research show that cultivating and practicing gratitude can reduce symptoms in cases of mild to moderate depression and anxiety. Practicing gratitude can also lead to increases in optimism, vitality, happiness, a sense of well-being, and a greater satisfaction with life. ⁴ Grateful people tend to generate more positive memories, reminding them of the good in their lives. ⁵ Those with higher levels of gratitude are viewed as more empathetic and supportive, more forgiving, and more likely to assist others. ⁶ Grateful people also report feeling less envious and more generous with their possessions. They thus enjoy better quality relationships. ⁷

"Gratitude also helps in coping with adversity. Those who practice it in times of adversity are more likely to seek and find a “silver lining” in their experiences. ⁸Finally, those who try to feel greater levels of gratitude report fewer physical complaints, more time spent in physical exercise, and better sleep duration and quality."

Before reading this I wrongly thought that if I could have the home I wanted, the car, the clothes, and the vacations I would be happy.  How wrong I was!  I had a great life that I was failing to recognize.  I had a loving husband, and beautiful, and healthy children.  I had a beautiful home, but because I was failing to be grateful I did not see, really see the blessings I had.  

I started to take measures to change my hardened heart.  I started expressing thanks to everyone, store clerks, neighbors, friends, my husband, my children.  I wrote thank you cards for everything from simple to grand gestures.  It was miraculous for me to see the changes in myself and in my family.  My attitude of gratitude rubbed off on those around me.  I began to see how having a grateful attitude made me feel better.  I was no longer angry all the time and about everything.   Because I was happier, my family was happier.  I didn't realize how much my negativity was effecting my family.    

Then along came November, and I decided I really wanted my family to think about all the blessing we have been given.  I took some poster board and taped it onto our pantry door so that we could all see it frequently.  Then, every morning, during breakfast, each of us would take turns saying what we were grateful for, no repeats.  We continued this practice throughout the month of November.  

At first it was really easy to do because there were plenty of things, but as time went on (and people started taking yours) it became more difficult.  It really made you think about things that you are grateful for, things or people that maybe we forget.  I loved seeing the board fill up with all the things and people we are grateful for.  Our gratitude list includes everything from our home, our country, indoor plumbing, to church and scriptures and our Savior, Jesus Christ.  

I am excited to start this tradition again today.  My children decided that we should say two things on Sundays.  I am shocked that not one of them said they were grateful for candy, I thought for sure that would be the first comment.  I feel that because we do this as a family that it puts us in the right frame of mind to start to enjoy the Christmas season.  I know I need to be reminded of the important principle of gratitude and of all the things I have been given. When I remember to be grateful it helps put my life and my problems in perspective and helps me have a better attitude and a happy heart.  

Gratitude Article--here is the article if you would like to read it.